


Steven universe Fic: TIHS (Season 2)

by DestinyLeane



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Canon Continuation, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Other, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-01-27 04:33:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 9,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21386149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestinyLeane/pseuds/DestinyLeane
Summary: This is the continuation of Steven Universe Fic: The Inter Hiatus Spectaculare! So PLEASE read that before you read this, otherwise it will make no sense and the whole first fic will be spoiled for you and no one wants that!!Eight months have passed since Spinel's return, but things aren't over. Not yet.
Relationships: Spinel/Steven Universe
Comments: 36
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE READ THE FIRST FIC BEFORE THIS ONE OR YOU WILL BE VERY CONFUSED OKAY???

Eight months.   
She had been back for eight months. 

Spinel didn't know what to do with herself, while she sat alone in the living room, she picked at her gloves, anxiously waiting for someone to return. She was better, much better at being alone for extended periods of time now. 

You get better when the only thing you can see for half a year is the glowing stars on Steven's ceiling. Trapped, unable to speak, or seek comfort, or tell him you were so, so sorry for getting shattered. 

She was better at being alone because Steven rarely ever left her alone anymore.   
So sitting on the couch, staring at the blank television and picking at her gloves for three hours was fine, if not boring.   
She wasn't even anxious about being left alone. No, she was anxious about Steven.

It was maybe two or three days after she came back that it began, and she didn't know what to do. He just started...glitching.   
He didn't have a body made of light though, and Spinel knew that, she knew that whatever was wrong was a human thing.   
She recalled it so easily, that day. 

"Spinel, I wanted to show you someone-" Steven's smile suddenly dropped and he buckled over, startling the pink gem.  
She watched, terrified as he twitched and groaned until it seemed like all his muscles contracted at once and he was lying on the ground unconcious. 

"Steven?!" She dropped to her knees, shaking him fervently, hoping that he might wake from his sudden sleep. But he didn't stir at all.   
She reached out, wrapping her arm around the nearest gem and yanking her toward her, tears streaming as she stared at the startled orange gem. 

"Help me?! I don't know what's wrong! I need a human, I need-" the burly orange gem nodded silently and scooped up the boy in her arms, carrying him toward the center warp of New Homeworld. The two of them warped to his home, and Spinel raced down the stairs screaming frantically for Pearl, or Garnet, Amethyst, anyone. 

The orange gem plopped him on the couch and Spinel tried to wait, but her worry grew far too quickly to allow rational thought.   
Her eyes darted about the room as she paced, searching for one of the phones Steven had before finding it on the kitchen island. She snatched it up dialing the only human she knew would answer.

"STEVEN'S DAD," she shrieked with fervor, startling the voice on the other end, though she didn't care, it was urgent, he was hurt, he could be dead. "Something is wrong with Steven, help me please?!" 

"Spinel?" Greg's voice was tinged with confusion and worry that only increased as she continued.

"He broke! He just fell down and got broken!" She had no idea what had happened, she couldn't exactly put into words what happened, "it's an emergency!" 

The phone grew quiet, before Greg spoke finally, "Spinel, I'm on my way, I'm taking him to the hospital." 

Then all she could do was wait. Wait for the human doctors to make sense of things she couldn't. 

"It looked like he had a seizure." Doctor Maheshwaran said, flipping through the notes on her clip board. "Though, considering the alien part, I can't be entirely sure." 

"What do you mean not entirely sure?!" Pearl squaked, her hand over her mouth as she stared at the boy in the hospital bed. 

"Don't worry, I'm fine guys." Steven said with a small smile as he sat up in his bed. Amethyst rested her hand on his bed, nodding in apprehensive agreement. 

"Dude, you like, passed out. Don't think that's fine." She said, the concern in her voice betraying the small laugh she forced out.  
Everyone was huddled around him, except for Spinel.  
She didn't want to be close, she was afraid to be close, that maybe, secretly...she made this happen. 

And now she sat on the couch, eight months later, picking at her fingers while Steven was at the doctors for another 'seizure'.   
She glanced at the doorway, just as the heads of her three favorite gems and Steven came up the porch stairs to enter and she jumped from her seat, smiling brightly despite the nagging, terrible feeling that she was the cause of Steven's ailments. 

"We're back!" Steven called, immediately being wrapped in a coil of her arms and pulled to her side in a nearly suffocating hug. "And I've got good news! The seizures are getting better!" 

Spinel pushed him away for just a moment, confusedly looking him up and down to search for any, even mild, notion of a lie. 

"Dr. Maheshwaran said that they are losing their severity and duration, and I even noticed they happen less often." He clarified, Spinel blinked, not exactly believing him. He knew this.   
Steven was well aware of her concern for him, despite not showing it as overtly as usual. He also knew that she secretly blamed herself for his condition, though decided maybe it was better to not pressure her as to why. 

She would talk about it in her own time. And when she was ready, he would be there to listen and make her know that he didn't blame her. 

It was better than the alternative. Which usually ended in far more tears than he ever would like to see her cry. That and she hadn't entirely lost her irrational paranoia surrounding herself and their relationship. If he pressured her, she was bound to take it in the most negative way possible. He had made that mistake many a time. 

Spinel's arms slowly dropped their hold, sinking to the floor like sopping noodles, she feigned the reaction as relief, but he could see the clear worry on her face. 

"Spinel, I promise, I'm doing great." He reassured her, the gem nodded, and retracted her arms with a forced smile. 

"Of course, you know, I just don't want you to hit your head or something." She giggled, lightly tapping his head with her hand and bouncing back to the couch.   
Steven laughed, moving to her side and purposely bumping himself against her as he sat down, turning on the television for their weekly show.


	2. Part 1 chapter 2: Crying Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven hasn't quite gotten over losing Spinel, even though she's back.

Steven rubbed Spinel's back as she murmured little sobs to herself, shaking from her empathy. 

"Th-their such good f-friends!" She cried with a smile, wiping the tears roughly from her eyes. 

"I know!" He replied, holding back his own tears, the new episode had both if them reeling from the emotional impact, and he cherished the fact that Spinel had taken to the cartoon as much as he had. 

"I wasn't expecting spaghetti to have such a relatable backstory!" Spinel chuckled through her tears, leaning back against the couch. 

"Crying Breakfast Friends always has surprising character development." Steven replied with a small sniffle. He smiled, moving his hand from behind her so he could hold hers. 

Seeing her still made his heart skip a beat every now and then, as though she were merely a ghost.   
But she wasn't, she sat right next to him and the way she smiled, even with tears in her eyes made his heart sing with joy. 

That night, the one he found her, was ethereal in his memories, like a long lost memory of a dream.  
He dropped to his knees in shock, in tears, so afraid that she would shatter if he touched her, but she didn't.   
He had healed her, successfully.   
He made a promise never to leave her or let her get hurt, he did a fantastic job of making it seem like it was out of only love. 

It wasn't.   
If anything, it was the most selfish promise he had ever made. In truth, he made the promise because he never wanted to feel that way again. That empty ever again. 

That emptiness was all consuming, it pervaded every inch of his mind and disallowed him from thinking about anything else. Just losing her. 

Steven stood up, glancing out the window at the darkened night sky before bidding the gem goodnight.   
Spinel nodded and pulled the blanket from the shelf, opting to stay on the couch again instead of utilizing Pink's room. Her nightmares had slowly faded into memory but she still wasn't prepared to return to the room, and preferred the dark of the living room and the soft hum that the kitchen light offered instead of whatever nightmare inducing hallucinations the pink room would inevitably provide for her.   
She had had enough of the devilish contraption digging into her psyche and spilling out for anyone and everyone to see.   
And she didn't want subject Steven to such horrors ever again. 

Steven meandered up to his room and tossed away his covers to crawl into the comfortable warmth of the bed, enjoying the way his mind nearly immediately turned off upon impact with his head and the pillow. 

It was dark, he could barely see until the flash of pink invaded the entirety of his vision and he heard the deafening noise, the cursed noise of shattered glass.   
And he stared helplessly as the large heart shaped gem on Spinel's chest broke into slivers and shards that exploded in the air and floated as if weightless.

"NO!" he shrieked, though it was as if his voice couldn't create the words, only a soft whisper was uttered from his lips.   
He swatted the air in attempt to catch the shards, only batting them further away, the same gut wrenching guilt and emptiness building inside of him as he tried to grab the little peices. 

"I can't lose you again, I can't-" he grabbed on of the shards, pulling it close to him as he wept. The dark pink gem turned a soft pastel shade in his fingers until it closely resembled his own gemstone. He gripped it tightly until a jolting shock erupted from the shard, moving through his body until he could barely breathe.   
He gasped, his lungs heaving desperately to gain some kind if air.

Steven bolted upright from his bed, gasping with tears still in his eyes as he frantically looked around the room for Spinel's gemshards.   
It took a moment.  
Then the wonderful dreamlike memory slowly returned to his mind and he ached quietly, eventually resolving to seek her comfort. 

Spinel opened her eyes, feeling the same presence she had grown so used to now. Steven stood over her, blanket in hand, the few tears in his eyes still shining in the moonlight.  
She sat up, and opened herself for his embrace and he nodded quietly, taking her gentle opportunity and crawling onto the couch and into her arms. 

He had grown the practice of seeking her out in the night. When the nightmares were bad enough, at least.   
She softly pet him, bringing her hand from the top of his head down to the nape and back in slow rythmic movements while he quietly pressed himself close to her. 

"You want Strawberry?" She murmured softly, gently pulling him away, he nodded silently, watching intently as she pressed her fingers to her gem.  
His hand landed softly on top of hers, clutching it tightly in hesitance and even fear.  
She paused, glancing back at his tired, fearful eyes. 

"It's okay." She reassured, letting him hold her hand as her gem glowed a soft pink hue in the dark room.   
She slowly pulled the stuffed rabbit from her gem, smiling through the wince she instinctively made. The microfractures didn't make the gesture easier.  
Steven didn't need to know about that though.   
Right now, all he needed to know was that she was there, and real, and she would be there for him, even if it was simply to retrieve her own precious comfort item.   
She held up the strawberry scented bunny and lightly shook it until he took it from her hands. 

"Makes you feel better, huh?" 

Steven nodded, holding the toy to his face, taking in the residue warmth of her gem. Spinel smiled lovingly, leaning back so Steven could curl up in her arms comfortably enough to try and fall asleep. Then she would return him to his room once he had completely tuckered himself out. 

She enjoyed these moments, when he required her comfort, when he wanted only her comfort.   
Even if it still left a sour taste in her mouth that her poor sacrifice had broken him so much.


	3. Part 1 Chapter 3: Talk Show Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sardonyx has an interview with our newest fusion.

"Please, Spinel?" Steven begged, batting his eyes with his hands clasped together in the most pathetic display of pleading.  
The pink gem stood with her arms crossed, looking away from him in irritation. 

"No." She answered coldly, Steven persisted nonetheless. He rounded her, trying to maintain her line of sight, despite her ability to wind herself around for what seemed like an infinite amount of times purely to not let herself get caught up in those shining eyes of his. If she did, she'd surely crack. 

"Sardonyx wants to meet them. If it's just for a little while, it won't-" 

"Steven, no." She stepped away from him, gripping her shoulders tightly, her anger was only a thinly veiled attempt at hiding her true feelings on the matter. She had managed to make him drop the subject for months, but he persisted nonetheless.

"It'll mean the world to me." Steven pulled her hands down, drawing her attention temporarily away from the ocean waves she was using to distract herself.   
It was a fatal mistake. She met eyes with him and all but completely melted.  
Spinel let out a reluctant sigh, the blush of her face burning brighter as he eagerly smiled.

"Okay..I guess for just a minute or two?" 

That was all he needed. Steven jumped in the air with glee, floating back down to the earth and twirling her into a hug, spinning until the two of them glowed and finally fuzed. 

Pink Zirconia grinned, still holding themselves in a tight hug. 

"Thank you!" They squealed excitedly. 

Sardonyx sat on a makeshift set in Steven's living room, where Amethyst, Connie, Greg, Lapis, Bismuth and even Peridot sat on the couch, awaiting Pink Zirconia's debut. 

"So, what is this supposed to be anyway?" Peridot asked, glancing at the three gem fusion who beamed as she giddily waited for Zirconia to enter. 

"Oh-hoho, it's a debut, my darlings! We have a long awaited, only teased once, fusion among our midst!" Sardonyx winked out the window, signaling Zirconia to enter. 

"Are you sure... it's gonna be fine, Sardonyx promised to tone it down a little." The pink fusion fought with themselves for a moment before a calming breath depleted their anxiety, if for a moment.   
They opened the door and ducked through the doorway, awkwardly moving toward the large chair that the fusion had next to her.

"And here they are!" Sardonyx grinned, waving for the small audience to clap for their entrance. "Pink Zirconia, everyone!"

The pink fusion smiled and waved caught between joy and embarrassment despite the menial group of close friends that consisted of the audience. 

"Heheh, hiya." Zirconia plopped down on the chair across of Sardonyx as she rubbed her chin inspecting the fusion closely. 

"So, Pink-" 

"Zirconia is fine, heh." The fusion interjected, barely hiding the wince at least one pair of eyes made. Sardonyx nodded in approval. 

"Zirconia, Pink Zirconia, beautiful gem and a beautiful fusion," Sardonyx hummed thoughtfully, "do you have anything to say to your adoring fans and friends?" 

She gestured to the gems in the room, who stared at the pink fusion, almost making their skin crawl at the deafening silence.   
Sardonyx cleared her throat loudly, eyeing the group until they slowly understood what she wanted. 

"Oh, is this where we clap?" Peridot asked, loudly slamming her hands together in a single clap. Connie, Amethyst and Greg clapped as well, followed by Lapis and Bismuth until their little cacophony ended and the awkward silence ensued. Only to be broken by Sardonyx once more. 

"So, a few of us saw your teaser debut at the diamond kindergarten and we've all been dying to know more about you. What do you say?" Sardonyx leaned over her chair, inching closer to the fusion, who nervously laughed, Spinel wasn't fond of the memory, and internally she wanted to curl up and hide. Steven on the other hand was enjoying simply being with her, being a part of their creation.   
He was eager to answer the question. 

"Well- it uh, yeah, it was definitely interesting!" Spinel held him back, desperate to prevent him from airing her discomfort of the event.   
Her secrets. 

"It absolutely was, and you were phenomenal!" Sardonyx took care not to mention the terrible blunder within the palace. She was keen on making the fusion feel comfortable, it was about them, not her. "So, show us that interesting weapon you used?" 

Pink Zirconia's eyes brightened, and for once Spinel and Steven were on the same page. 

"Oh, yeah, this thing?" The fusion stood up and pulled out their scythe and shield, tossing it into the air and spinning the scythe until the two weapons melded into one larger one that continued to lazily spin once it was displayed.   
Sardonyx's eyes shined at the weapon and she held her face in awe, garnering more small applause from the meager audience.   
Pink Zirconia blushed lightly, shrugging their shoulders as if the weapon weren't as impressive or worth even the small attention it had gained.

"So, it looks like some kind of spinning scythe, or a bladed wheel." 

"I think it's a pinwheel." Zirconia glanced at the five pointed blades that curved like a large flower around it's star shaped center. 

"Or it could be a five bladed pizza cutter- harkening back to the new homeworld incident-" 

"Yeah, no, I'm pretty sure it's just a pinwheel." Zirconia interjected, feeling a sudden wave of unease drift over them. Sardonyx laughed and nodded, pushing the weapon to spin a couple more times before moving on to her next question. 

"So, your pinwheel is definitely a devastating weapon" she giggled, holding hand up to her face for a short aside, "not to mention a great form of transportation." 

The fusion clapped her hands excitedly.

"But we want to know about some of your other skills, it seems you retained that signature Spinel elasticity, care to give us a show?" She requested, eyeing the pink fusion's extra limbs.   
Pink Zirconia blinked for a moment, regaining their train of thought. 

"Oh, yeah, I can do that!" They replied, unraveling the second pair of arms and stretching them out to shake the hands of each member of the audience. "It's a pleasure." 

The pink fusion retracted their arms, comfortably resting them in their lap, waiting for Sardonyx's next question.   
Sardonyx leaned even closer now, vibrating with joy.

"So, last question, why Pink Zirconia?" The question was simple enough, Zirconia smiled, not even bothering to filter their words. 

"Mutual guilt and inadiquacy."


	4. Part 1 Chapter Four: Artificial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinel explains why she doesn't like being pink zirconia.

The room fell eerily silent, aside from the hysteric laughter from Peridot. 

Zirconia's eyes shot open at the sudden revelation that they had said the words out loud. In front of everyone. Everyone knew how terrible they felt all the sudden, all at once. 

It was like the room went dark, and the fusion stopped breathing, lightheadedly mumbling nothing words as they tried to gather themselves. 

It wasn't a lie.  
They answered the question, and the honesty was a curse because now all that lingering darkness came crashing into them with blinding force.   
Not good enough. Not good enough for Pink, not good enough to be loved by her, by anyone, a bad, bad thing like a terribly broken toy to be left behind and tossed aside. 

That's what they were and it was now shared with everyone they knew and cared about.

A false, pretentious, overused thing that everyone now knew.

Spinel was frantic, trying to escape the fusion, trying to run away and hide.   
Steven was just as shocked, as if he had only just now realised the connection between the two of them. 

Zirconia mumbled quietly, their eyes darting around at the ones that stared back at them, their smiles gone, now only looks of concern and worry on their faces, terrible faces that only made the shadows grow.

The fusion bolted to their feet, raising their hands in small surrender while their elastic arms tightened their grip on their waist.

"I-I need to..to-" the fusion halted, a peircing pain in their stomach, starting at Steven's gem and electrically working it's way throughout the rest of the fusion's form until it contracted every last muscle in a singular excruciating spasm. Pink Zirconia let out a breathy gasp before their vision turned a bright pink and they dropped to the floor in an unconscious heap. 

Sardonyx immediately unfused, Pearl and Garnet jumping to the floor and frantically shaking the fusion. 

"Steven!" Greg cried, quickly following behind. 

Spinel sat in the darkness within the mind scape, jostling the equivalent of her friend's mind as she frantically tried to wake him. 

"Steven! Wake up! Please, I can't unfuse, wake up!" She cried, as the subconscious world turned a dull pink hue. Two peircing eyes opening up in the sky, their shining brightness peering down on her like a spotlight. 

"I've found you." The voice rumbled, causing her to freeze.   
She recognized it. 

But she wasn't allowed to contemplate it. Just as suddenly as the fusion lost conciousness, their eyes flicked open, the dissonance of shock between their composed halves forcing the two of them apart and Spinel sat on the floor, confused and cold with terror at the voice she heard.   
Steven was held by the crystal gems and his father as they hurriedly lifted him onto the couch to rest. 

Spinel stared forward, watching them comfort and keep her friend secure. The feeling of eyes on her back refused to leave her though.   
It only grew more powerful. What was that?  
She knew it.   
It saw her.   
It knew she was there. 

It was something she knew was very very important, and very very dangerous. 

And it was close to Steven. Something was wrong. 

Spinel sat on the last couple steps of the porch, watching the sun as it set over the waves, trying to ignore Steven's plapping flip flops as he came to sit next to her. 

"I'm sorry." He said softly, sitting down next to the pink gem as she silently sulked. Her mind was consumed by several different things. She was upset, very much so, at being outed by their composite personality, and she was guilt ridden, as she always was. That she had been so frantic and foolish to send him into another episode. 

But behind all of that was the lingering terror that it wasn't anything to do with human things. That that..thing was the cause. 

It unnerved her. 

"Spinel, you gotta talk to me." Steven pressed, pulling her from her thoughts. She stared at him, bewilderment on her face, soon replaced with frustration. 

"Why?" She shot, causing him to second guess his approach. Steven let out a small sigh. He didn't want to say this, he didn't want to make her tell him. But now he had to know exactly what they had meant when they answered the question. 

"We need to talk about what we said." He began, losing his confidence as her face grew more frustrated. 

"I know you feel bad, I feel bad too. I just don't understand how that..." he trailed off, suddenly not wanting to finish his sentence. Spinel didn't waste any time to do so for him. 

"What, that the only thing keeping us together is how terrible we feel about eachother?" She remarked, secretly scolding herself with the words.   
It was true, at least for her. She knew he felt guilty, that he felt terrible for her getting shattered, that it was the only reason he kept her company anymore.   
She didn't like it. And she didn't like that he wasn't self aware enough to admit it himself. 

"But I don't feel terrible about you, I care about you." Spinel couldn't help but laugh at his words. 

"Hah, you see? There it is! Look, I know you only care about me because I got hurt." Spinel lost the bite in her words, suddenly feeling far smaller than before. "A lot."

She looked away from him, gently pressing her hand to her gem in contemplation. 

"I know you only spend time with me because I was shattered...you don't have to pretend you don't feel bad about it."   
Steven nodded slightly, she was right, in some sense. He had spent so much time with her, constantly worrying about her because he couldn't escape that guilt. It plagued him constantly, every time he saw her, or her gem, it creeped up in the back of his head masquerading as compassion. 

"I didn't want to fuse because I don't like feeling that way." Spinel murmured softly. She finally turned her head to face him, lowering her head as she spoke. 

"What we have..what we are, is not real." She admitted, causing Steven to look up and into her fuchsia eyes. "None of it is real. It's just.." 

"Artificial." Steven finished her sentence as she closed her eyes, nodding as she held back the tears welling in her eyes. 

"You're right." He agreed, though it hurt to say. "We can't just pretend that we are okay." 

Steven hesitantly touched Spinel's gemstone, she slightly flinched, causing him to move away, looking down at his shoes. 

"I do feel bad..really, really bad. About everything." His words cased her to open her eyes, watching him pick at the wooden stairs as he tried to come up with his words. "But I also care. I care a lot."


	5. Part 1 Chapter Five: Simulacra

Spinel stood in front of the doorway into the infinity room. It was night now, no one in the house was about, and Steven was still fast asleep in his bed.   
If Spinel wanted, she would have gone to bed herself, but she couldn't escape the small dark thought that grew in her mind.   
She didn't want to do what she intended. She loathed the idea of stepping inside the pink room again.   
But she couldn't shake the feeling that something was off, so she opened the door. 

It was the same as always, beautiful, empty, pristine. She dreaded it thoroughly. 

"I'd like to see Pink Zirconia?" She asked, tentatively rubbing her arm, feeling self concious at the idea of looking at their fusion as though the room was a mirror. 

Soon enough, the replica fusion appeared, standing before her, the room hadn't bothered to put any personality into the fake, though, it made sense that it needed her other half to do such a thing. 

Spinel rounded the replica, taking in it's appearance, not touching it as she looked it up and down.   
It was taller than her, with poofy curly hair in small pigtails that tufted out like ears on their head. And it had the same trademark tear stains, though they were shorter, rounder and one pair of eyes sat perfectly inside the middle of the center streaks, like glistening tears that could see her. 

Her stomach turned a little at the sight. She was embarrassed, she had managed to taint even their fusion with her past. 

"Can you show me when..." she hesitated, not actually wanting to watch those moments unfurl once over. "Can you show me before we passed out?" 

The replica fusion's eyes widened, taking a tentative step backward as their face warped with embarrassment and fear. 

"I-I need to..to-" they stuttered frantically, Spinel watched closely as the fusion froze, wincing with pain.   
She stared closely at the copy of Steven's gem as it seemed to crackle with soft pink, electric light. 

It trailed up the fusion's body as their eyes rolled to the back of their head and they dropped to the floor.   
Spinel stepped toward them, almost forgetting that they weren't real. 

Suddenly the fusion popped out of existence and Spinel felt the same, glowing eyes on her back, peering down at her. She shuddered, looking back toward where she entered. 

"I want out!" She gasped, waiting for the room to abide. The doorway gaped from the air and she bolted through, back to the safety of the house.   
She had gotten what she wanted.   
She knew now, that something was wrong with Steven, and it had nothing to do with being human.

"I'm trying to say I don't think the seizures are, well, seizures?" Spinel explained to the gems.  
Steven sat on the couch, fiddling with his jacket zipper as she spoke, he didn't like the notion of his condition being a result of being half gem, though it brought with it mild relief. 

"What is that supposed to mean?!" Greg gasped, glancing at his son with concern. Steven sunk into the couch, not wanting the concerned eyes of his friends boring into his skin.   
He had had enough of it, and played his ambivalence of the situation off fairly well, but now their growing voices of worry made him sick to his stomach. 

"Look, I went back into pink- er, Rose's or Steven's room and watched it happen over and over again and I think-" Spinel halted, feeling their stares like daggers now, "I think it's got something to do with..with what happened at the kindergarten." 

She didn't like to talk about it. None of them did. Especially Steven. He seemed to shrink further into the couch at her mention of it. But now was different, something was different and she didn't know exactly what. 

"I know you're concerned, Spinel, but I don't think it's anything to worry about." Steven stood up, raising his hand to gently rest it on her shoulder in reassurance, she was having none of it. Spinel swatted him away in irritation.

"You're not listening!" 

He wasn't. He wanted the subject to be dropped, the discomfort it provided was unsettling and he wanted to take the easiest route to calm the gem down. 

"Spinel, I am listening," he affirmed calmly, "I just don't think it makes sense, I feel like if it's what you think I would have noticed it." 

Spinel blinked the tears from her eyes in confusion and anger, how could he not notice the eyes and voice of that thing in his head?!

"How could you notice if you're asleep?!" She didn't quite know the word she meant but got the message across with what she had. Steven paused, taking in her words for what they were, she was right on some level.   
He was unconscious during those seizures, Spinel was the only one to witness them first hand. When they were fused. 

"You're right, I'm sorry." He admitted, watching as Spinel lost her agitated bristles until she was much more relaxed. 

"What do we do?"


	6. Part 2 Chapter 1:  Good Gracious

Steven rolled out of bed lackadaisically, slipping on house shoes as he yawned and stretched to rid himself of his lingering sleep.   
His mind was rolling through various morning thoughts, Connie's extended field trip to various colleges, she wanted to get a particularly early start, his Dad's investment in a carwash in Ocean Town, the last thing he ate, and some new novelty bags he was looking forward to ordering, particularly the limited time offer strawberry donut backpack with a complimentary milk carton purse.   
He meandered down from his room toward the kitchen, finding Spinel and Amethyst chatting while chewing on spoonfuls of cereal. 

Eight months, and he still had trouble believing the she was real, every time he saw her it nearly forced all the air in his lungs out and left him a mumbling teary mess. Her substantial loss forced the boy to reevaluate his past actions. 

It was a lie if he said he didn't still feel guilty for leaving her with Aquamarine, for leaving her in the garden, and even more so for leaving her on earth.   
Seeing her simultaneously made his heart ache as well as burn with care. What was that saying? You don't realise how much you value something until you've lost it? 

Steven had it back now. And he would never, ever lose her again.

"Hey, have you guys heard from Connie yet?" He asked, grabbing himself a bowl to join their meal. Amethyst nodded, gulping down her bite to answer.

"She's coming back for a few days, she called earlier yesterday." She replied, Steven smile contently at the information, he had wanted to talk to her.   
Hopefully she was back in town now. 

"Steven!" Connie called, waving from across the beach, she rode lion toward him, the beast sliding on the sand to a halt for her to jump off and greet her friend. Steven grinned excitedly, wrapping his arms around the girl and pulling her tight, swinging her around a little before letting her feet hit the ground once more. 

"How did you like Keystone University?" He asked, Connie put her hand to her chin in contemplation. 

"It was nice, but I'm kind of still leaning toward Ocean Town's community college." She nodded slightly, "it's more affordable and I can get the basics out of the way and transfer later." 

Steven's smile faded, "transfer?" 

"Yeah, maybe." 

He didn't like the idea of Connie transfering to a college too far away, but he wasn't one to object to her dreams in political science, or science in general. When she told him she was getting an early start on furthering her education it didn't upset him, in fact, he was very excited about it. But now that she actually had the capability to do that, and just go, the slow creeping feeling that she might find other friends, cooler friends than him at those schools. 

"So, you wanted to hang out?" She asked, drawing him from his previous thoughts towards his new ones.   
He sighed, taking her hand and walking along the beach away from earshot. 

"It's about Spinel, huh?" She was incredibly perceptive, enough to know that Steven only ever sighed exactly like that when he wanted to talk about his pink friend. 

"Well..yeah." he didn't want to admit it, but he had been dying to rekindle the feelings he had for the gem, despite her seeming none the wiser about them. Connie had become his confidant of sorts when it came to the subject of Spinel.   
Of course, she was the only one Steven was comfortable airing his feelings about the gem to. The others would have likely made great effort to force Spinel and he together if he told them. 

Connie at least was understanding of his reservation. 

"We fused, and she saw..that thing." He could barely explain, but Connie got the message. 

"The one that-" 

"Shattered her." 

Connie looked at the ground, nodding as she took in the information. Steven had told her, after several weeks of asking. To her it looked like the hardest thing Steven had ever had to say.   
At first she just assumed White had shattered her, it wasn't beyond the Diamond's capabilities. Steven informed her that thay wasn't the case, and she had a feeling that he knew it would affect Spinel negatively at some point. 

"When she came back she didn't remember it, at all." He mused over those gentle moments in her return, making the decision to not inform her of the creature that shattered her. At the time she was happy, just to be back. 

He thought, for a moment, maybe she was missing a peice. He had probed her on occasion, seeing if she had small memories lost in her shattering. There were events, he was certain happened, thay she simply had no idea about.

"Among other things." He mumbled to himself, hoping that such a thing wasn't a case. 

"You think she might remember it- all of it?" Connie replied, stopping once they reached the lowest point of the cliffside. Steven nodded, dropping his hold her her hand for a moment, which caused her to turn around to face him. 

"She was worried about me, and mad." He almost laughed, Spinel, who was a pile of broken shards for six months, was worried about him. "I told her about the way fusion's work, and I think it upset her." 

"So just set things straight? It's not like she's gonna hate you forever. She knows how much you care about her." 

"Connie, I don't think she does." Steven finally admitted with an exasperated sigh, he rubbed his head, trying to think through the situation.

"Everytime I try to be around her, she pushes me away, it's like.." he thought for a moment, growing more somber at his conclusion. "It's like she doesn't want to be around me, or more, doesn't want me around her." 

Connie laughed at him, shocking the boy from his idle mumbles, did she seriously think it was funny? All he wanted was to make the gem happy, keep her safe. How was that funny?

"Probably cause you never leave her alone anymore!" Connie giggled, wiping a small tear from her eyes, she held a serious tone for a moment, "you're constantly checking on her, I mean, remember when she first came back? You wouldn't even let her walk on the beach alone! You were scared she would break again." 

Connie lost her smile now, growing more quiet as she spoke.

"I'd be tired of it too." 

Steven shook his head in reject at the idea, "she got shattered! You can't expect me to just let her walk around alone, what if she got hurt again?!" 

Connie looked him in the eye now, a frown on her face, did she really have to explain to him that just because she had desired constant companionship in the past doesn't mean he needed to coddle her?

"Steven, if she got hurt you know she would come ask for your help, let her have some personal space, let her out of the house once in a while." 

Steven raised his hand to object. 

"Alone."


	7. Part 2 chapter 2: Lure

Spinel wandered along the beach side, drinking in the sunshine as it casted over the city. She adored these moments, away from everything, not necessarily being alone, but simply being outside, in the sunlight, by the beach. It was nice.  
Then she noticed something. 

Something pink walking along the beach side as well, heading directly toward her. 

It was a gem, she knew that much, one that looked familiar, though she couldn't place how so. 

"Hey!" She called, waving the stranger over.  
The gem looked away from her target toward Spinel and changed direction to converse with her. 

Spinel looked the gem up and down as she approached, she was comprised of mainly water, though floating inside of the water was some kind of pink liquid that tinted the white gem slightly. 

Antarcticite moved closer to the pink gem, her guard slightly raised at being found so easily and so quickly. Being pink did not make this mission any easier, though she mildly enjoyed the idea of a challenge.

Spinel smiled at her, which was weird. 

"Hello." Antarcticite muttered, eventually stopping a couple feet from her presumed enemy. 

"Hi! I saw you walking and I just figured you might want company." Spinel explained, still mulling over the idea of mentioning that the gem looked so familiar to her. 

Antarcticite glanced around the beach, making sure no gleaning eyes could see her before coming closer to Spinel. 

"Okay." She answered, she couldn't quite comprehend why her enemy was being so kind to her, despite her previous actions and current intentions.  
Spinel bobbed excitedly for a moment, slinking to Antarcticite's side and gesturing toward the scenery. 

"Earth is beautiful, huh? My di- my friend really likes it here, are you planning on staying?" She asked, glancing back at New Homeworld, it was well past completed now, but there were still a few vacant homes left.

Antarcticite stared at the gem in near disbelief, if her face could replicate such an emotion.  
This was the same Spinel, right? The one the creator had shattered? The one she had deliberately stole for the express purpose of using it against her current enemy?

Spinel hesitated, not wanting to seem to forward, but she simply had to know. 

"I know you."

Antarcticite readied herself for the pink gem to attack, watching intently as Spinel rubbed her eyes in effort to recall the information she lacked. 

"Weren't we friends or something?" Spinel asked, for a moment Antarcticite dropped her guard, was she playing some sort of joke? 

Then it clicked. 

Antarcticite smiled ever so slightly, looking away from Spinel, it makes sense. 

"Yeah, we were, I'm Antarcticite." She replied, feigning a sickeningly sweet voice, she held out her hand, forcing a small amount of the pink liquid to her large fingertips.

"Yeah?" Spinel repeated, still not sure if she was correct, she hesitated, reaching out to grab the gem's hand. 

"SPINEL!" 

Steven's voice caused Spinel to jerk her hand away, as though she got caught doing something bad, her head swiveled to face him just as his shield frisbeed in between her and Antarcticite. 

Steven leapt from Lion, launching himself in between the two of them, still holding his bag of donuts he had bought with Connie.  
He pushed Spinel away and she stumbled to the side confused and outraged. 

"Connie, get the gems!" He called to the girl, she nodded and continued to ride Lion toward the beach house. 

"What the- Steven?!" Spinel gasped in shock, still reeling from his sudden appearence. 

Antarcticite grew her fingers into icy talons, and swiping at Steven's shield.  
He blocked the attack, glancing back at Spinel to make sure she was out of harms way. 

She was charging straight at them. 

"Spinel, stay back!" He yelled, pushing Antarcticite's talons away from himself and throwing the enemy off.  
Spinel hesitated for a moment, why couldn't he just let her help him? 

Spinel was drawn from her short thought by the large pink bubble that wrapped around her in a near instant. She shot a glare at Steven, who was too preoccupied by his fight to notice her dagger eyes piercing the back of his skull. He hamster balled her, and it was unfair! She could have helped, she could have fought too. 

Spinel rolled herself to the side and promptly sat on the ground with an irritated huff, crossing her arms as she watched the battle unfold without her.

Peal, Garnet and Amethyst had joined the fight, taking swipes at the gem, narrowly avoiding Antarcticite's attacks. If it weren't for the fact that she was sidelined without a second thought, Spinel might have been entertained by the fight.


	8. Part 2 Chapter 3: Pacifier

Garnet lunged at the tinted gem, her gloved fist penetrating her watery form in search of the real gem. 

Antarcticite met eyes with the fusion and sighed, "Wow, you're more gullible than White was."

Garnet's eyes widened at her words, feeling a thousand tiny needles prick her skin. She pulled her hand back and jumped away from the poisonous gem. 

"Don't touch her!" She yelled, Pearl halted her attack and swiveled around in confusion, allowing Antarcticite to smack her into the air with a giant hand. The venomous gem turned toward her last foes, easily dodging Connie's rampant cleaving, her target was Amethyst now who was lashing at her viciously with her whip. 

Spinel's attention was drawn away from the fight for a moment, now focused on Pearl and Garnet who seemed to have gained a familiar pink hue, she turned her head back toward the fight that was destroying the beach side.  
Amethyst was struggling against the gem, and all Steven could do was shield her from Antarcticite's swats. She stood up, knocking against the protective bubble Steven so rudely trapped her in. It was hard, strong, something only Steven could pop. She stuck her tongue out in thought and began pushing against it, slowly gaining momentum.

Antarcticite was bored of this repetitive fight, she yawned and threw several spike of venom toward the purple gem, quickly roundhousing Steven and melting to avoid Connie's blade. 

The gem built her body back up just behind Amethyst, preparing to encase the gem in her poisonous waters until a large and very unexpected force smacked into her. Sending Antarcticite flying into the air, losing all the water she had used in a single instant. 

Spinel volleyed through the air glaring down at the tiny gem as gravity pulled her back to the ground, sending the sand flying. 

Steven stood astonished, and somewhat proud of the pink gem's ingenuity. Though, he knew she was livid at him for bubbling her at all.  
He almost didn't want to unbubble her, in case she decided to get violently angry with him.  
Instead, he decided to leave her alone for a moment and hope she would cool off, though the fire in her eyes said otherwise. 

"Pearl! Garnet? Are you okay?" Steven trailed off, noticing how the two of them sat gazing at nothing as though it was the most interesting and entertaining thin ever. His stomach turned with discomfort as realization fell darkly over his shoulders.  
He recognized that look. In White Diamond. 

Whatever Antarcticite had done, she had been in collusion with that thing. 

It wasn't over. 

Steven fell backwards, landing on the sand in front of his friends. His mind reeled, all this time, eight months, he had thought things were fine, that he had dealt with the problem, the monster left screaming, surely it wouldn't come after him. He didn't want to face it.  
He didn't want to risk it, losing anyone again. He couldn't do it.

Connie and Amethyst came to his side, watching Pearl play in the sand like a child, awestruck by the grains that sifted through her fingers. 

It brought tears to his eyes, he didn't know how to fix this. He couldn't figure out how to fix White Diamond, how could he fix Garnet and Pearl? And if Antarcticite would have gotten Amethyst...at least Spinel was protected, and Connie was human so she was immune. So was he, as far as he knew. 

"Steven?" Spinel's voice drew hom from his thoughts, she didn't sound mad, maybe because she watched him fall to his knees in front of his friends and rolled toward him to see what had happened. 

He popped the bubble around her, allowing her to come closer, she hesitated, before reaching out toward Pearl and holding her hand for her to take. The amused gem's eyes drifted toward her an md she smiled, taking her hand and standing up with her. 

Amethyst did the same for Garnet with the help of Connie, and they walked the two mindless gems toward the beach house, hoping to think of a solution to their problem.


	9. Part 2 Chapter 4: Something

Pearl just..stay there." Steven sat the tinted gem down on the couch while Amethyst wrestled a knife from Garnet's curious hands.  
This was a nightmare.  
It had to be, right?  
Steven was going to wake up any moment. He had to. 

"Steven-" 

"What, Spinel?!" He snapped, causing Amethyst to look up at him, Spinel shrunk in on herself, unprepared for his anger, she did something wrong,  
She didn't know what, so instead stayed quiet, sitting down next to Pearl and grabbing her hand to make sure she wouldn't wander off.  
Steven loudly sighed, and grumbled to himself in mild anguish. 

"I'm going to get Bismuth." He grunted, making is way up the stairs toward the warp room. 

Amethyst managed to grapple the kitchen knife from Garnet's hands and pushed the nonsensical fusion to sit next to Pearl. Spinel assisted by wrapping her arm around the two of them to prevent them from moving. 

"This is bad." Amethyst glanced at Spinel who was still rather quiet. She caused this, if she hadn't been so stupid Pearl and Garnet wouldn't be like this, it was all her fault, she knew it, and Steven knew.  
He was mad at her, all this was her fault, she ruined everything- again. 

Amethyst took notice to her silence and the way she seemed to grow smaller at her darkening thoughts. She patted her back in effort to pull her from her thoughts. 

"Hey, it's gonna be alright, Steven can fix this." She reassured her, hoping Spinel would find comfort in her words. 

"What if he can't?" Spinel lightly touched her gemstone, he couldn't completely fix her, he didn't even know how to fix them. She let out a reluctant sigh, despite Amethyst's reassurance she could help but feel horrid.  
She looked at the two gems she held captive, they had turned a light pink and looked around the room like dumb children. Whatever Antarcticite had done it was really bad.  
If they couldn't fix this, her friends she had worked so hard to attain would be gone, and Steven would hate her for it. She made this happen. Stupid, stupid, stupid. 

Spinel sniffled quietly, hiding her tears as Steven returned with Bismuth. 

"You say some water gem did this?" Bismuth asked, inspecting the two tainted gems. She turned to Steven.

"You sure you didn't do this?" 

Steven was flabbergasted, and rather taken aback by her assumption, not to mention angry. Why would he do this? 

"No! I don't even know how to do that! Or change them back! The last time-" Steven stopped himself, turning away from Spinel and whispering quietly to Bismuth. "The last time this happened that monster did it to White." 

He didn't want the pink gem to hear him, he was still baffled that she didn't immediately recognize Antarcticite. It put them all in danger, she was lucky he protected her, she could have been shattered, again.  
Steven couldn't take a loss like that, not again, not after this. 

Bismuth nodded and stood up. Rubbing her chin in contempation.

"I've only seen this once, from Pink." She mentioned, Steven looked down at the floor, he didn't want to come to the conclusion he had already reached. The creature did this to them, and it was connected to him in some way. 

"If mom could do it, then I can fix it, right?" Steven had to believe that he could fix this, he had to believe that he could bring them back. He had to do something.


	10. Part 2 chapter 5: Don't Care as Much

Steven stepped out onto the balcony, he was desperate for some fresh air, anything that could help distract him from his friends terrible condition. 

The cool night air was better than nothing, he didn't exactly build a complete plan, but he hoped talking to Yellow and Blue might shed some light on what was going on. He let out a reluctant sigh at the thought, he hadn't spoken to them since Spinel's- well, funeral. 

They didn't even know she had been healed, and as far as he knew, the pink gem was still very much afraid of them, she hadn't mentioned them at all since her return. He would have to go to homeworld on his own and just hope they wouldn't follow him back. 

A small noise caught his attention, pulling him from his thoughts. Steven's eyes drifted toward the source, the gem of his thoughts stood a few feet away from him, wringing her pigtails slightly with her eyes planted on the ground. 

"Hey, Spinel." He offered a somewhat forced smile, but she squirmed with discomfort, twisting her hair tighter while she mumbled to herself. She wasn't okay, but he didn't know why. 

"What's wrong?" He asked, stepping from his perch to comfort her. Spinel hung her head sniffling and shaking slightly in front of him. 

"I'm sorry." She mumbled, shifting her feet awkwardly and keeping her gaze on the ground. Steven let out a small gasp, what did she need to be sorry for? 

"Hey, it's okay-" 

"No, it's not, I ruined everything- I'm stupid!" She retorted, a shudder causing her to lose what little composure she had left. Steven rested his hands over her shoulders and she trembled. 

"You're not stupid, you just didn't know." He didn't know why she didn't know, he almost didn't want to. Right now though, she needed comfort.

"You were so mad.." 

Right. 

He had forgotten that he snapped at her, and bubbled her, it probably looked like some sort of punishment in her eyes. Guilt panged him slightly, he didn't intend to upset her, he just didn't want her to get hurt, he couldn't let her get hurt.   
She shouldn't know that he was going to visit the Diamond's.

"I was just scared." He explained in a soft whisper, pulling her into a gentle embrace. "I didn't want to lose you too." 

At this, Spinel seemed to tense, her disposition shifting to that far more different than guilt. 

"Why don't you let me help you?" Her broken words caught him off guard, he ran a blank on what to say for a moment, a short moment, but she still noticed it. 

"Because I worry about you." He answered nervously. It wasn't enough.   
Spinel tugged herself away from his arms and moved past him, leaning over on the balcony to stare at the soft waves.   
The fading light cast over her beautifully, Steven thought, he just didn't want to lose that. 

"I'm not cracked, Steven." It was a partial truth, but Spinel didn't care to mention it. Steven sucked in an uneasy breath, he figured sooner or later she would confront him about his overbearing nature, he was somewhat hoping it would be explosive anger and not this unsettling nonchalance. 

"I know that." He tried, smiling and moving to her side, though he didn't look at her, she'd be able to tell that he didn't care that she was fine, when at one point, one very terrible point, she wasn't. 

"Then why do you keep acting like I'm gonna fall apart any second?"

There it was, the question he had been dreading since she came back. Steven quietly groaned in discomfort, he couldn't just answer it like that. He'd much prefer her to smack him upside the head or something along those lines, purely so he could avoid it. 

It was easier to let her have a breakdown and comfort her than having to answer her probing questions. 

"I just...care about you." 

"Well, stop it." There was a bite to her words and Steven could tell they were tinged with self doubt. Spinel turned her head to look at him, a soft smile on her face, he nearly melted at the sight of it, and the way her eyes shined with admiration.

"Or just, don't care as much?" 

Steven smiled back, and nodded slightly. He could try.


	11. Part 2 chapter 6: Prove It

Steven did his best to avoid Spinel, but it wasn't the easiest of tasks considering she lingered around the house with her arms leashed around Pearl and Garnet like they were toddlers.  
Everywhere she went she had the two of them connected to her purely to keep them out of trouble, it wasn't helpful that neither of them would stay put long enough to enter their rooms, and Spinel steered clear of the infinity door regardless.   
So the vacant minded gems merely meandered about the house like ghosts while Steven arranged for Bismuth, Lapis, and Peridot to essentially babysit while he prepared to talk to the diamonds. 

"Steven?" Spinel's voice was small, but he still heard it while he fiddled with his miniature diamond base. Steven turned and there she was, pink and precious and looking quite unsure of herself. He offered a small smile, but didn't move closer, despite longing to. 

"Yeah?" 

Spinel shifted her feet, as much as she didn't like the idea of seeing the diamonds again, and being constantly held like a porcelain doll with Steven she felt the inexplicable urge to prove that she didn't need him to coddle her.   
She didn't want to need him to. 

"I know I said I can handle myself now..." she hesitated, Steven noticed the way her fingers reached for the longer strands of her hair. Spinel lowered her hand slowly. "I know I said it, but I want to- to prove it to you, so..can I go...to see the diamonds...with you?" 

Steven tilted his head slightly, holding back the small chuckle he had at her words.

"You don't have to prove anything to me." Though he would like her to. Just to make sure. Just to be safe. 

Spinel hid her uncomfortable grimace at her own words, it wasn't so much as proving it to him as it was proving it to herself.   
There were still things that she had trouble with.   
And she couldn't let Steven baby her because of them. She couldn't let herself stagnate because of them. 

"But if you want to come I won't stop you." He added, just for good measure.   
She didn't want to go. But she had to. 

"Right." 

Spinel didn't look him in the eyes but Steven knew she didn't actually want to go with him, if anything this was her forcing herself to do something just to look more comparable. If he declined her request she could easily turn it into a perfect example of his desire to shelf her. It would be easier to let her try and secretly, hopefully, fail. 

Steven moved from the computer to the warp pad and patiently waited for Spinel to follow, holding out his hand for her to take. She grabbed it gently, and he could feel her ever so slight trembles. She was terrified, he didn't want to think about how much he liked it. 

If she was scared, she would break under it eventually, and he could swoop it and protect her, she would know that he was right and she was wrong and she would let him protect her. It was a perfect trap. And a vile thought.

Steven pushed it as far down as he could, slightly tightening his grip on Spinel's hand as the warp pad lit up to take them to their eventual destination. 

The two of them appeared on the warp in the diamond palace, Steven felt Spinel tense as her eyes glossed over her surroundings.   
Flickering, hazy memories passed through the gems mind as she stared at the empty thrones, the living walls and blinding lights.   
She tentatively glanced at Steven before stealing herself in false courage and refusing to look at him. Though her fingers tightened around his, notifying the boy of her subconscious terror. 

Steven nodded, looking back at her, though she kept her eyes away from his, if he saw them, he would see the fear in them too. That couldn't happen. 

"Starlight?" 

Spinel seemingly turned to stone at the voice, wrenching her gaze from the floor toward it's source. Steven could see her and feel her shaking, but she gulped dryly and took a painfully small step forward. Facing one of her many personal nightmares.


	12. This fic is on hiatus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This fic is on hiatus

Hey everyone, I'm sorry I haven't updated anything in a while, I'm currently writing an original work titles Caring For Your Clown on Wattpad.   
In effort to focus on that story I am announcing a hiatus for all my fanfiction works until I'm completed with the book. You are welcome to read it as I write, or read my other fics on here or Wattpad. 

You can find me @DestinyLeane on that site as well.


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